It’s me: you! I’m writing from 20 years in the future. I don’t have time to explain how I was able to send this, but take my word that it came at great personal expense and grave risk to my safety. In order to prove it’s me (you) I will now disclose your current email password:
(It’s served us well since 1997, but you should probably change it up after you receive this email, just to be safe.)
I don’t have much time but I want to relay some crucial information and advice to ensure your ongoing happiness/existence. I jotted down everything I could think of so here it is, in no particular order:
• It’s OK to skip all of your high school reunions.
• By the time you reach 60, you’ll never have benefitted from paying for an extended warranty or service plan. Not even once.
• Eat as much sushi as you can in the next three years. You’re gonna miss it.
• In October 2019 you will be asked to update your iPhone to a new operating system. REFUSE unless you’re OK with losing autonomic control of your pupils and inner ear.
• Forget about the mustache. It’s never gonna work.
• At age 12 your son will ask to go to robotics camp. DO NOT SEND HIM. I can’t tell you why but this is VERY important. Get him interested in the arts or something.
• Procure a 50-gallon drum of kerosene, 25 pounds of heirloom sorghum seed and as many flint rocks as you can get your hands on. Bury them at the following geolocation in Olympic National Park: 47.96935°N 123.49856°W.
In general, always remember that in times of great human upheaval you’ll be tempted to ally with the forces of reaction, but you must resist. Approach new challenges with good humor and create community with those around you.
Oh, and learn to respect other forms of sentient life on the planet, especially dolphins and giant ant colonies. That’ll come in handy.
OK, that’s it for now, gotta run!
Your best friend,
Brett (in 2036 )
P.S. Your hair still looks great! :)